All He Wanted
by FiendisHSerapH
Summary: A fic in Hisoka's POV about his partner Shinigami (shounen-ai warning)/OOC possibly. Please review!


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **This is my very first Yami No Matsuei fic. Pardon if there's something wrong about the storyline since I didn't complete the whole series. Anyway, this fic includes the song "All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch and that this is in Hisoka's POV. Read and enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER: ** I have no relation to Michelle Branch and I don't own Yami No Matsuei. That's all.

ALL HE WANTED April 26 

**11:32 A.M**

Here I am in this restaurant, spending some quiet time while waiting for Tsuzuki to finish wolfing down his meal. I've been with this person a few months already. And at some point or another, I have been fascinated with this man, to tell you all the raw truth.

_"I wanted to be like you. I wanted everything."_

For you see, he seemed to be a very stupid person (well… not that stupid. Let's say as dumb.) I mean, he doesn't seem to be a Shinigami --- or at lease serious being one. Sometimes, I wonder why in the world does this man have the control of the gods. He doesn't seem to deserve it at all. He acts was too silly and dumb for such a great Shinigami, so why did they bother placing their powers on him, this _baka_ person? This is the way I see him, but no: Other people tell me that he is such a very serious person. A mature and serious type of guy to quote. Right now he's eating and acting way too silly over the free candy treats as a promo of this restaurant… **serious? IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL SERIOUS? **But I tell you, I envy him. I mean, being a Shinigami is such a painstaking task, but will you just look at him? He seemed to take all these things as easy as 123 and even having time to crack a joke. ****

**Baka, but oh, how wish I can be like him.**

"So I tried to be like you. And I got swept away." 

So each day of being wit him, I settled on a secret investigation. I seemed to be so quiet and not caring about him: his whereabouts and all… but the truth is everyday I have my quiet quest of finding out if he's really such a 'mature; person, as most people say… and you know what I found out? I often meet people whom Tsuzuki had touch their lives, and they will always say that he is such a responsible guy, that he never breaks his promises and he never lies--- the things I am not used to do---

Sorry about that. Tsuzuki's trying to peep over what I'm writing and I just irked him away.

Oh, where am I? Oh… maybe that's the reason why most people, whether dead or undead, like him better than they do to me. Also, he never lets someone in need down, instead, he'll just sacrifice whatever is needed to, including his own time, property, dedication… and even his life… to make the person happy and the promise to be true Those words struck me, and I soon realized that I will never be a Shinigami as great and as kind as he is, despite that silly and goofy exterior.

May 12 

**9:23 P.M**

"I didn't know that it was so cold and you needed someone to show you the way…" 

It's been a long time since I haven't written something in this book. Sorry, my life as a Shinigami is making me busy… and what more will be busier than being with Tsuzuki? Hangouts here, restaurants there, and silly jokes everywhere.

But you know what I've been noticing about Tsuzuki lately? He seemed to be so lonely nowadays, probably because Hijiri is already there, at the world of the living. Oh, he's someone whom we rescued lately, and it's maddening because since he's gone, Tsuzuki can't eat that well. Oftentimes, I know that he's eating about four plates during dinner, but all he ate was one now. He doesn't seem to be happy as always. I know, Hijiri had shown him that he's still of great worth, despite of the things that he had done in his life when he was still alive. And to tell you, this is the only I've known that his life, despite being that extremely cheerful, is somewhat hurt and cold. I soon found out that even though he helps many people in their own problems, **he himself had problems that he himself can't solve. ** It hit me: he was too kind to help people out, but in reality, he, himself needs help.

May 16 

**8:15 P.M**

_"So I took your hand and we figured out that, when the time comes I'll take you away."_

The day struck me direct, in the heart. For this time he told me that he'll like me better if I was just a little bit merrier and fun to be with, but he also told me that he liked me because despite being cold and mysterious, I still have the heart to help him out in our missions as his partner Shinigami. Of course, that's my job, I replied. Then, he told me that, "There's a deeper reason behind that, and even though you don't want to tell me, I thank you." 

After saying that, I soon found out our main difference: **He was warm; I am cold.** Probably that's the main reason why most people liked him better than they do to me (actually I felt a little jealous of that) 

Anyway, I've read my past writings in here and to tell you, I saw his memory a long time ago (but being the cold being that I was, I didn't care at all), and was hit by it. I wanted to help him out. I wanted to see the **real Tsuzuki **behind those goofy smiles and ways.

I know that there's something painful that he hides, and I want to seek that out.  

"If you want to I can save you. I can take you away from here. So lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares…"

Oh, I think there's something Mr. Konoe wanted to tell us…. A new mission probably. Better cut off.

May 22 

**6: 26 A.M**

I had a weird dream, and it's the same dream that had been haunting me for years even up to this time that I am already a Shinigami.

That's right, a dream… a nightmare of Muraki and me.

"I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me."

I cant' sleep. I tried drinking a glass of milk to cure my shot nerves but to no avail. Just then…

My phone rang, and right, it's him, Tsuzuki. He's just asking me if I'm okay. But I see no connection why he would call me up that late just to greet me about my condition. I mean, hadn't he thought that he'd just disturb me because I am sleeping (good thing I wasn't)? I just told him that I had a weird nightmare of Muraki, and he panicked instantly (his voice tells me so) and asked me I need company, so he'll go here and watch over me. You know, I kind of blushed at that instant. I mean, he's just way to concerned about me. I can feel it. He's worried and anxious about me. Hah, anyway, I just replied that I'll be okay and he cracked a silly joke before hanging up (actually I just forced my laugh over that one) But to tell you the truth, I appreciated his help and all. Ever since the beginning, he helped me out from Muraki's grasp and even harming himself just to do so. Upon remembering that incident, it just proves to me that he is indeed a **serious** guy who never breaks his promises and never puts those who need his help down.

Well now, all I have to worry about is how I will get a nice dose of sleep after that horrifying nightmare. 

May 24 

**3: 36 A.M**

"All you wanted was somebody who cares. If you need me you know I'll be there…" 

Here, wasting for this sleepless by writing in this book. I'm here, at Tsuzuki's house. Ever wondered why? I helped him. Surprising? It's true. I can sense that he needs my help so I hurried up to his house (It was close to midnight then) and there I found the sight I never thought could happen: 

I saw Tsuzuki sitting on his bed, crying like a child lost beneath a storm.

I took no more time and rushed to him, asking what happened. He spoke nothing and proceeded sobbing. I felt my heart pour out for the poor guy, so I reached out, hugged him, and whispered soft, comforting words on his ear. And since I touched him, I soon found out what was bothering him.

I was his past, his dark and mysterious past. Just like me, he is s being haunted by his past… his past that's always been painful for him to accept. The redness of the blood spattered all over his clothing, the sight of his childish innocence running away from the haunting and convicting eyes of those bloated lying flat on the ground… all screaming for justice over what he had done to them. The scene was so gory that I might not sleep well this night (well, I really didn't). He whispered, "I am so sorry."  To me, for the reason that he bothered me in the middle of the night, but I said that it's not his fault for the reason that it's just me who sensed that he needed help by that time. He smiled despite of his weakness and said; "I see that you're somewhat concerned for me. I told you there's a deeper reason fro you to help me out… you still have your heart in its place." He smiled, and I was at loss for words. His eloquent and straightforward speaking made me gape at him… he's true. I am somewhat concerned for him now that I've seen all his pain in his life, and I am here, right at his side, to help him out.

"If you need me you know I'll be there…" 

He beamed back at me, but then he collapsed back right on his pillow. I felt for his neck, and soon found out that he has high fever…. Something a Shinigami can easily pas through. But no, I just can't leave him there all alone. I will protect him. I wills save him, if he can't himself. I'll be there for him if he needs me. Imagine that, I started hating and envying him, idolizing and then imitating him… and soon found out that he isn't perfect at all. And upon him showing his other side to me, I grew fascinated and awed. And now…

I think I liked him all the more… Not just because he'd shown his weakness to me, but because he saved me from the prying fangs of the devil (that is, Muraki), and made me feel that I am born in this world anew. 

"Please can you tell me so I can finally see, where you'll go when you're gone."

I can't stand the thought of him being away, and sometimes I do wonder what my life will be without him. Probably I never change to the new being that I am right now. I know I can't do it without him. If he wasn't there I'll still be at Muraki's grasp forever. If he wasn't there I'll be the usual old Hisoka up till now. He's my angel, he taught me to change; he taught me that I couldn't live alone, and I thought of him as my partner and my friend. But no, I'll stay here at his side, waiting for the sun to strike its fiery glow against his cheeks, the morning breeze to touch his chocolate-brown hair, his amethyst eyes to gently flutter open, and his smile to shine upon me upon the break of the new morning.

END! Please review!! 


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